It's been 5 years for now
Time sure flies quickly
Quick enough to force me to move on with my life
To forget about the pain and sadness I faced
To forget about my life which used to have his presence
Once in a while, he will flash through my mind
Once in a while, he will greed me in my dream
May peace has already be with him
While I'm still... in remembrance of him...
Every year, on this day...
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Helpless…
November 2nd, 2007
feeling so down and sad now, all of a sudden i’m being inform by my family about his situation… he is sick again, & this time… is really going to come to an end… my sister ask me to fly back KL straight away to see him one last time… but i’m ahving exam now… what can i do… all i can do now is just cross my fingers and pray… but it seems like the time has come… finally… a lot had happened… a lot of things are running in my mind… what should i do… i cry for over an hour but still there’s nothing i can do for him for the very last time… really want to see him one last time… at least to touch him… to comfort him… to accompany him till the very end…
doctor advice my sister to give him an injection and let him rest in peace… i think that is the only way to free him from the pain n suffer… but my sister insist of me to go back… she say the rabbit is still enduring the pain everyday even though is really harsh for him… maybe he want to see me one last time too… i promised him before… and i asked him this before also… ask him to wait until i graduate, then i’ll be able to take good care of him after that… knowing that this will never happen… maybe he can understand what i said… maybe he really want to keep the promise for me… but i cant let him suffer anymore…
really hate my own self now for not be able to be by his side… feel so sorry for him… if only my tears will reach him n cure his pain… if only my voice can reach him n heal his wound… if only my feeling can reach him and warm his heart… it’s hard to let go, but i know someday this moment will come… but still i cant hold back my emotion… so this is really going to be the end… i’m waiting my sister’s confirmation… once she decide what to do with him… then will let me know…
feel want to cry again ady… tears are falling… if there is anything that i can do to make him live longer… i’m willing to do it… but this is what live is… feel so sorry for him… feel so sad… if only i can share the pain with him… sigh…
feeling so down and sad now, all of a sudden i’m being inform by my family about his situation… he is sick again, & this time… is really going to come to an end… my sister ask me to fly back KL straight away to see him one last time… but i’m ahving exam now… what can i do… all i can do now is just cross my fingers and pray… but it seems like the time has come… finally… a lot had happened… a lot of things are running in my mind… what should i do… i cry for over an hour but still there’s nothing i can do for him for the very last time… really want to see him one last time… at least to touch him… to comfort him… to accompany him till the very end…
doctor advice my sister to give him an injection and let him rest in peace… i think that is the only way to free him from the pain n suffer… but my sister insist of me to go back… she say the rabbit is still enduring the pain everyday even though is really harsh for him… maybe he want to see me one last time too… i promised him before… and i asked him this before also… ask him to wait until i graduate, then i’ll be able to take good care of him after that… knowing that this will never happen… maybe he can understand what i said… maybe he really want to keep the promise for me… but i cant let him suffer anymore…
really hate my own self now for not be able to be by his side… feel so sorry for him… if only my tears will reach him n cure his pain… if only my voice can reach him n heal his wound… if only my feeling can reach him and warm his heart… it’s hard to let go, but i know someday this moment will come… but still i cant hold back my emotion… so this is really going to be the end… i’m waiting my sister’s confirmation… once she decide what to do with him… then will let me know…
feel want to cry again ady… tears are falling… if there is anything that i can do to make him live longer… i’m willing to do it… but this is what live is… feel so sorry for him… feel so sad… if only i can share the pain with him… sigh…
没了你嬴了世界又如何
November 2nd, 2007
回想起当初，4年前吗？5年前吗？已经不记得了…因为实在是太久了…当已经习惯了他的存在，时光已经不再是重要的问题了。当我第一次见到他时，是我姐姐把他给带回来的。好像昨天发生的一样，在自己面前，我大姐提着一个笼子，里面装着的，就是他。那时他还只是手掌般大小，应该是刚出世没多久的吧…那时的笼子是白色的，笼子的门是往上拉开的…那时候，他还是那么的细小，就连他的脚也能穿过笼子铁花之间的空隙。所以大姐就放张白纸在笼底，方便他在笼子里自由走动。但是调皮的他却把那纸张啃得破烂不堪。后来换了一块毛巾，结果也是被他咬得千疮百孔。那时候的我并不怎么在乎他的存在，而且我都没碰过他…真的不知道要怎么捉他，因为感觉上会很容易就把他给捏死的感觉。过了一些日子，他长得大只一些后我才第一次碰他，但是还是轻手轻脚的。那时候的他，经常都只待在笼子里。后来，等他习惯了以后，第一次把他放出笼子。真的很好笑，他根本不敢走出笼子…是 被我们硬扯出来的，出来以后，他显得非常紧张，不敢乱动，过了一会儿才开始看看周围，但是还是不敢走动。就这样，一次又一次的“训练”，他也开始习惯在屋 子里走动了，但是就只是客厅。他还不敢踏足饭厅和厨房。那时候妈妈是不太赞同让他在屋子里自由走动的，因为担心他会到处大小便。当初，也许是一种习惯，只 要他想上大小号，他会自己飞奔回笼子里才解决。就这样，他已经成为家里的宠儿，已经成为我们的家人了。
还 记得妈妈曾经把他塞在一个小纸盒里，然后塞了些东西来填补空位，他就这样乖乖的呆在盒子里睡着了。开始扩大了他的走动范围，渐渐地连饭厅和厨房也被他“攻 陷”了。后来我们还让他在屋后的空地走动，嬉戏。那时我家门前还有一片草地，然后还有许多花盆。那时候的他，非常喜欢到屋外玩耍，还经常把自己卡在花盆之 间，不肯回家。逼得我们必须拿藤条把他赶回家去。他的出现也变成了我家附近一带的佳话。小孩子经过都会过来看一看，邻居的孩子也喜欢戏弄他，就连屋外的野 狗也对他虎视眈眈。经常呆在我们家后院的野猫也成为了他的朋友。渐渐的，当他发现楼梯是可以上去了之后，他终于把整间屋子给侵占完毕。那时候我还读早班， 每天六点起床，开门就看见他在我房门外面…有时候我在房间打电动，他会忍不住一个人待在楼下而上来楼上，然后抓着房门，要我们开门给他。喜欢跳到我们床上，喜欢在房间里乱转。
他真的非常选吃和贪吃啊…以 前还吃一点萝卜，后来嫌萝卜硬所以不要吃；想让他吃药或维他命，妄想；便宜的饲料他不吃，只是尽吃名牌货；最爱吃就是苹果和面包了，每当我们在厨房切苹 果，才一那出来他就已经扑了过来，拼命的求着我们也让他一起吃；面包也是一样，只要听到类似面包纸带的声音，他就会扑了过来，然后讨着要吃；吃菜也只是吃 叶子，最爱包菜，乌龟豆，生菜…因为都很甜很脆；非常喜欢吃他的小甜点，我们买给他的水果干粮，他可以为了要吃上一口而在客厅追你数十圈…还喜欢到地主爷的神台去喝茶，然后喝地主爷的水，吃地主爷的炉灰…
非常的顽皮呢…经常做许多的坏事，被我们打，被我们骂，但是他还是照做…咬坏的东西多不胜数，让他磨牙的木块他却一口咬起，然后甩去一旁。做完坏事还会躲起来避免被打，或者是假装什么都没发生过那样…一脸无辜的样子。把他关在笼子里，他会大力的把笼门往上甩，然后趁着空挡一口气冲出笼子。后来换了一个比较大的笼子，笼门是侧开的而且有铁枝卡住的，他再也开不了笼门了。后来为了避免他上楼上，找了片板子档着楼梯口，他会想尽办法，硬挤也好，跳上椅子然后在跳上楼梯也好…总而言之就是要上到楼上为止…
发生的趣事更是数都数不完…新 年被鞭炮吓的全身紧贴地板，躲在椅子底，不敢出来；中秋节我们玩蜡烛时，他走了上前，用鼻子撞了蜡烛一下，胡须被烧着了；时常笨拙的撞这里撞那里；时常偷 偷跑进厕所，然后被反锁在里面；时常偷偷到屋外玩，然后被人关在屋外，等到发现他不见了以后才在屋外看见他，凄凉的在门口那里等着我们开门救他…
真的很想念他，怀念着有他陪伴的日子…真 想再一次抓他的大屁股，真想继续抚摸他，真想再让他舔着我的手指，让他躺在我的身边，让他紧贴着我的脚跟着我在屋里走动，真想看着他对我眨一只眼睛，真想 再感受一次他用鼻子动我的情景，真想在一次让他对我撒娇，真想让他在霸道的强迫我摸他，真想再一次看着他鬼鬼祟祟做坏事的样子，真想再一次看他那天真无邪 的样子…真想…这一切不会结束…
也许下一次在说着他的故事时，就得加上“以前”两个字了…很不甘心啊…回忆着，泪水又流了下来…从昨天开始我的泪水就没有停止过…我姐姐还说不要在他面前哭，不要让他看到我们伤心…我…我真的很没用…
回想起当初，4年前吗？5年前吗？已经不记得了…因为实在是太久了…当已经习惯了他的存在，时光已经不再是重要的问题了。当我第一次见到他时，是我姐姐把他给带回来的。好像昨天发生的一样，在自己面前，我大姐提着一个笼子，里面装着的，就是他。那时他还只是手掌般大小，应该是刚出世没多久的吧…那时的笼子是白色的，笼子的门是往上拉开的…那时候，他还是那么的细小，就连他的脚也能穿过笼子铁花之间的空隙。所以大姐就放张白纸在笼底，方便他在笼子里自由走动。但是调皮的他却把那纸张啃得破烂不堪。后来换了一块毛巾，结果也是被他咬得千疮百孔。那时候的我并不怎么在乎他的存在，而且我都没碰过他…真的不知道要怎么捉他，因为感觉上会很容易就把他给捏死的感觉。过了一些日子，他长得大只一些后我才第一次碰他，但是还是轻手轻脚的。那时候的他，经常都只待在笼子里。后来，等他习惯了以后，第一次把他放出笼子。真的很好笑，他根本不敢走出笼子…是 被我们硬扯出来的，出来以后，他显得非常紧张，不敢乱动，过了一会儿才开始看看周围，但是还是不敢走动。就这样，一次又一次的“训练”，他也开始习惯在屋 子里走动了，但是就只是客厅。他还不敢踏足饭厅和厨房。那时候妈妈是不太赞同让他在屋子里自由走动的，因为担心他会到处大小便。当初，也许是一种习惯，只 要他想上大小号，他会自己飞奔回笼子里才解决。就这样，他已经成为家里的宠儿，已经成为我们的家人了。
还 记得妈妈曾经把他塞在一个小纸盒里，然后塞了些东西来填补空位，他就这样乖乖的呆在盒子里睡着了。开始扩大了他的走动范围，渐渐地连饭厅和厨房也被他“攻 陷”了。后来我们还让他在屋后的空地走动，嬉戏。那时我家门前还有一片草地，然后还有许多花盆。那时候的他，非常喜欢到屋外玩耍，还经常把自己卡在花盆之 间，不肯回家。逼得我们必须拿藤条把他赶回家去。他的出现也变成了我家附近一带的佳话。小孩子经过都会过来看一看，邻居的孩子也喜欢戏弄他，就连屋外的野 狗也对他虎视眈眈。经常呆在我们家后院的野猫也成为了他的朋友。渐渐的，当他发现楼梯是可以上去了之后，他终于把整间屋子给侵占完毕。那时候我还读早班， 每天六点起床，开门就看见他在我房门外面…有时候我在房间打电动，他会忍不住一个人待在楼下而上来楼上，然后抓着房门，要我们开门给他。喜欢跳到我们床上，喜欢在房间里乱转。
他真的非常选吃和贪吃啊…以 前还吃一点萝卜，后来嫌萝卜硬所以不要吃；想让他吃药或维他命，妄想；便宜的饲料他不吃，只是尽吃名牌货；最爱吃就是苹果和面包了，每当我们在厨房切苹 果，才一那出来他就已经扑了过来，拼命的求着我们也让他一起吃；面包也是一样，只要听到类似面包纸带的声音，他就会扑了过来，然后讨着要吃；吃菜也只是吃 叶子，最爱包菜，乌龟豆，生菜…因为都很甜很脆；非常喜欢吃他的小甜点，我们买给他的水果干粮，他可以为了要吃上一口而在客厅追你数十圈…还喜欢到地主爷的神台去喝茶，然后喝地主爷的水，吃地主爷的炉灰…
非常的顽皮呢…经常做许多的坏事，被我们打，被我们骂，但是他还是照做…咬坏的东西多不胜数，让他磨牙的木块他却一口咬起，然后甩去一旁。做完坏事还会躲起来避免被打，或者是假装什么都没发生过那样…一脸无辜的样子。把他关在笼子里，他会大力的把笼门往上甩，然后趁着空挡一口气冲出笼子。后来换了一个比较大的笼子，笼门是侧开的而且有铁枝卡住的，他再也开不了笼门了。后来为了避免他上楼上，找了片板子档着楼梯口，他会想尽办法，硬挤也好，跳上椅子然后在跳上楼梯也好…总而言之就是要上到楼上为止…
发生的趣事更是数都数不完…新 年被鞭炮吓的全身紧贴地板，躲在椅子底，不敢出来；中秋节我们玩蜡烛时，他走了上前，用鼻子撞了蜡烛一下，胡须被烧着了；时常笨拙的撞这里撞那里；时常偷 偷跑进厕所，然后被反锁在里面；时常偷偷到屋外玩，然后被人关在屋外，等到发现他不见了以后才在屋外看见他，凄凉的在门口那里等着我们开门救他…
真的很想念他，怀念着有他陪伴的日子…真 想再一次抓他的大屁股，真想继续抚摸他，真想再让他舔着我的手指，让他躺在我的身边，让他紧贴着我的脚跟着我在屋里走动，真想看着他对我眨一只眼睛，真想 再感受一次他用鼻子动我的情景，真想在一次让他对我撒娇，真想让他在霸道的强迫我摸他，真想再一次看着他鬼鬼祟祟做坏事的样子，真想再一次看他那天真无邪 的样子…真想…这一切不会结束…
也许下一次在说着他的故事时，就得加上“以前”两个字了…很不甘心啊…回忆着，泪水又流了下来…从昨天开始我的泪水就没有停止过…我姐姐还说不要在他面前哭，不要让他看到我们伤心…我…我真的很没用…
Still I’m Praying…
November 3rd, 2007
My eyes is drying out… tears are stop flowing from my eyes… is not that I’d stop crying… I still can cry any moment I want… is not that I’m not sad anymore… maybe I’d already accept everything… but maybe I’d just lost myself… my heart still feels as painful as being stabbed… I’m still waiting confirmation from my sister… I don’t dare to call her and ask… it’s really a painful moment to cross over… will I be alright? I will… but I wonder when will it be… he bring so much meaning to me… and now… he is leaving… it is the most heart breaking moment in my life so far… sigh… this is the very first time that I feel truly regret for coming all the way to Sabah here for study… if I’m able to choose again knowing things will end like this, I’ll choose to give up everything I have now… I’ll choose not to come to here… and be by his side as long as I can… don’t have the mood to study, but still need to do so because I’m having exam… now my mind is just keep on thinking of him for every single moment… it’s really a struggle for me… if I have a chance to meet him one last time, I’ll tell him… I’m so sorry… for not being there for him… for not able to take good care of him… for… everything… even if I don’t have such chance… I’ll say it out here… and a lot of word of forgiveness, thankful… I owe him more than what he owed me…
My eyes is drying out… tears are stop flowing from my eyes… is not that I’d stop crying… I still can cry any moment I want… is not that I’m not sad anymore… maybe I’d already accept everything… but maybe I’d just lost myself… my heart still feels as painful as being stabbed… I’m still waiting confirmation from my sister… I don’t dare to call her and ask… it’s really a painful moment to cross over… will I be alright? I will… but I wonder when will it be… he bring so much meaning to me… and now… he is leaving… it is the most heart breaking moment in my life so far… sigh… this is the very first time that I feel truly regret for coming all the way to Sabah here for study… if I’m able to choose again knowing things will end like this, I’ll choose to give up everything I have now… I’ll choose not to come to here… and be by his side as long as I can… don’t have the mood to study, but still need to do so because I’m having exam… now my mind is just keep on thinking of him for every single moment… it’s really a struggle for me… if I have a chance to meet him one last time, I’ll tell him… I’m so sorry… for not being there for him… for not able to take good care of him… for… everything… even if I don’t have such chance… I’ll say it out here… and a lot of word of forgiveness, thankful… I owe him more than what he owed me…
Pls wait for me…
November 4th, 2007
i’ll be flying home one wed noon straight after my morning paper, will reach KL at evening… i’m not going back for holiday or what, i still have another paper on 16 Nov… is not that i really want to go back at that time, but… sigh…
i know is really hard to choose… i really want to see him one last time… really… but i know that it is going to be expensive to buy a ticket now… but my sister didn’t say anything about it, she just say i must come back… she know what is in my mind… she afraid i’ll think i’m wasting the money… so she force my back… maybe is a good thing also… i don’t really know… i’m not sure when will i fly back to Sabah, but i surely will, i still have another exam to take…
maybe there’ll be ppl who laugh at me, thinking y am i acting stupidly just because of a pet… i won’t blame anyone for saying that… it really is some stupid act, just that i think is worth to do this stupid act… they don’t know what’s going on in my life, they don’t know me… is a mix of feeling… i wonder how should i react to everything when i’m home… suppose to be going home for holiday n fun all the time… but this time is a total experience for me… i wonder…
so… pls wait for me… i’m enduring the same pain as u do… so pls… wait for me… just few days more… i’m sorry… sorry for being so selfish… sorry for making you suffer a little longer… sorry for everything…
i’ll be flying home one wed noon straight after my morning paper, will reach KL at evening… i’m not going back for holiday or what, i still have another paper on 16 Nov… is not that i really want to go back at that time, but… sigh…
i know is really hard to choose… i really want to see him one last time… really… but i know that it is going to be expensive to buy a ticket now… but my sister didn’t say anything about it, she just say i must come back… she know what is in my mind… she afraid i’ll think i’m wasting the money… so she force my back… maybe is a good thing also… i don’t really know… i’m not sure when will i fly back to Sabah, but i surely will, i still have another exam to take…
maybe there’ll be ppl who laugh at me, thinking y am i acting stupidly just because of a pet… i won’t blame anyone for saying that… it really is some stupid act, just that i think is worth to do this stupid act… they don’t know what’s going on in my life, they don’t know me… is a mix of feeling… i wonder how should i react to everything when i’m home… suppose to be going home for holiday n fun all the time… but this time is a total experience for me… i wonder…
so… pls wait for me… i’m enduring the same pain as u do… so pls… wait for me… just few days more… i’m sorry… sorry for being so selfish… sorry for making you suffer a little longer… sorry for everything…
Today & Tomorrow
November 5th, 2007
Last major paper today… suppose that I should be feeling happy about it… but I’m not… going home tomorrow right after my morning paper… just hope everything will be just fine… screwed up almost every single paper of my exam… this semester is really a total mess… just want to write something before I leave… I won’t be having time to online and do all sort of things for awhile after I’m back to KL… so just want to thanks those who comforted me last few days, who sent me wishes & blessing, who prayed for me… thank you… & I want to say sorry to those who I’d made them upset during the past few days… sorry to my housemate if I scared them with my sudden tears, sorry to them for remaining silent most of the time, sorry for troubling him to fetch me to the air port… & sorry to everyone… for me being such a useless guy in the past few days… maybe I’d hurt your feelings… maybe I’d made any of you angry… maybe I’d made any of you sad… I’m so sorry… saying sorry is the only thing I can do now… I didn’t beg for any forgiveness, I don’t think I really deserve it… you may continue to hate me, angry at me if you want…
A very tiring semester, a very tiring last few days… just praying that everything will be fine… although I know it will be impossible, but still… I’ll be praying… sigh… a lot of things running in my mind & I don’t know how to express them out… speechless? I don’t know… maybe I’ll just leave things like this… I’m to tired to continue on in fixing anything… and now… I even feel like want to get myself out of this world, out of this mess… just for awhile… it’ll be more than enough…
God bless everyone…
Last major paper today… suppose that I should be feeling happy about it… but I’m not… going home tomorrow right after my morning paper… just hope everything will be just fine… screwed up almost every single paper of my exam… this semester is really a total mess… just want to write something before I leave… I won’t be having time to online and do all sort of things for awhile after I’m back to KL… so just want to thanks those who comforted me last few days, who sent me wishes & blessing, who prayed for me… thank you… & I want to say sorry to those who I’d made them upset during the past few days… sorry to my housemate if I scared them with my sudden tears, sorry to them for remaining silent most of the time, sorry for troubling him to fetch me to the air port… & sorry to everyone… for me being such a useless guy in the past few days… maybe I’d hurt your feelings… maybe I’d made any of you angry… maybe I’d made any of you sad… I’m so sorry… saying sorry is the only thing I can do now… I didn’t beg for any forgiveness, I don’t think I really deserve it… you may continue to hate me, angry at me if you want…
A very tiring semester, a very tiring last few days… just praying that everything will be fine… although I know it will be impossible, but still… I’ll be praying… sigh… a lot of things running in my mind & I don’t know how to express them out… speechless? I don’t know… maybe I’ll just leave things like this… I’m to tired to continue on in fixing anything… and now… I even feel like want to get myself out of this world, out of this mess… just for awhile… it’ll be more than enough…
God bless everyone…
Just a few moments more…
November 6th, 2007
Finally settled most of the exam, today will settle the 6th paper out of 7 papers. My mind and soul is already not around, thinking about everything related to what will happen later… I’ll fly back to KL later… is not for my schedule holiday… and I’m not sure how long will I stay at KL… I still have another paper to take… so I have to fly back to take that exam then only fly back KL again on 21 Nov for my holiday. Hope everything will be just fine…
These few days I’d been keeping myself busy… maybe I just want to keep myself busy and stop thinking about what had happened… did it work out? I don’t know… no matter how hard I try to study, busy with movies, with games… deep in my heart I’m still feeling the sadness and pain… pitiful? Maybe… but there’s nothing more I can do… again & again… nothing is within my control… and I’m just beaten by it… by fate… perhaps… is really tiring… but what can I do… maybe this is my destiny… unable to fight back… so perhaps I got no choice but to continue… to get more & more scars… day after day…
Finally settled most of the exam, today will settle the 6th paper out of 7 papers. My mind and soul is already not around, thinking about everything related to what will happen later… I’ll fly back to KL later… is not for my schedule holiday… and I’m not sure how long will I stay at KL… I still have another paper to take… so I have to fly back to take that exam then only fly back KL again on 21 Nov for my holiday. Hope everything will be just fine…
These few days I’d been keeping myself busy… maybe I just want to keep myself busy and stop thinking about what had happened… did it work out? I don’t know… no matter how hard I try to study, busy with movies, with games… deep in my heart I’m still feeling the sadness and pain… pitiful? Maybe… but there’s nothing more I can do… again & again… nothing is within my control… and I’m just beaten by it… by fate… perhaps… is really tiring… but what can I do… maybe this is my destiny… unable to fight back… so perhaps I got no choice but to continue… to get more & more scars… day after day…
07-11-07
November 7th, 2007
这天，早上满怀心事的去考日文，都不知道自己到底在写什么，心已经不再这里了，总觉得有一些不安的感觉。匆匆考完，离开考场，希望第一时间回到宿舍，然后准备到机场。在等待巴士，从十点钟开始，等着等着…巴士始终都没来，心里越发焦急。这时，从手机里听到了一首歌，“One
more time, One more chance”，秒速5厘米的主题歌。听着，眼睛湿透了，因为感觉上自己就好像剧中男主角一样，被命运玩弄着，只能不断的被时间折磨着，孤独的忍受着等待的痛苦。终于，十一点时巴士来了，快步回到家，整理好行李，然后朋友骑着摩多载我到机场。非常谢谢他，一直以来都给他添了不少的麻烦呢…
在等待登机时，收到了一些简讯…非常谢谢这些朋友。我那班机应该是两点起飞，然后四点半抵达吉隆坡。但是，等到一点半，登机时间已经到了，却还没有登机通知。心又开始焦急起来了。只见外面下着倾盆大雨，心里更加慌乱了…担心着我的朋友到底到家了没，他骑摩多并没有带雨衣…担心着如果雨一直下，我是不是就得在那里一直等下去？能够做的，也只是不断的祈祷，不断地期盼着大雨停下来…是啊…剧中男主角也是被误点的火车折磨着…身心越发感受，只能不断期盼着一切能尽快恢复原样…因为我已经在崩溃边缘了…终于，上了飞机，起飞了。那是半小时以后的事情了。天气恶劣，飞机就不断的摇荡着，但是我什么都感觉不到，因为心，已经不在这里了…
五点钟，终于抵达机场。匆忙的赶到外面乘搭巴士，前往吉隆坡中环总站。心情越发复杂，虽然已经回到家乡，却没有闲暇的时间。塞车…老天爷尽是这样的作弄我…抵达时已经差不多七点了，比预定的六点钟迟了整整一个小时。打了一通电话给我的二姐，她告诉我她还没放工，然后…电话另一边…我听到了一个我最不愿听到的东西…二姐告诉我…他已经在下午时离开了我们…听到这样的消息，我顿时傻了…为什么…昨天才听他们说他的情况好多了，但是…突然之间…这叫我怎么接受…难道我千辛万苦的赶了回来，就是为了听这样的一个消息吗？不甘心啊…为什么？就只差那么一点点…那么一点点的时间…为什么最后我还是没有得到任何的眷顾与怜悯…到最后，我还是没法让他看见我，我也没办法看见他最后一面…如果知道有这样的结局，或许我会放弃考试，无论如何都会赶回去见见他…但是，一切都已经太晚了。
结果是大姐来接我，她老板载了她过来，在车上只听见姐姐的哭声。回到家，下了车，才发现到原来姐姐一直把他抱在怀里。难怪我在车上一直隐约的感觉到…姐姐抱着他，回到房间，哭着。我还能做什么？我只是强忍着泪水，不想让姐姐因为我而难过。过了一会儿，姐姐把他递了给我…
抱着他…看着他…心，就好像不断的被刺着，割着，剖着一样。消瘦了好多，肚子因为动手术而去掉的毛发都还没长回…根本没办法相信与接受，手中托着，还那么重，还有那仅存的余温…但是，眼睛不再张开，耳朵已经不再是粉红色…抱着他，情不自禁的开始抚摸着他的脸，他的耳朵，他的颈项…他是非常喜欢我们这样模他的…但是我并不知道他是否还能够感受得到…已经没有办法忍住泪水，回到自己的房间，才能够释怀的痛哭出来…告诉着他，我回来看他了，希望能够看见奇迹的发生…问他为什么不多等数小时…问他还记不记得我们的约定…还记不记得我…如今我能够做的，也许只是哭泣…仅此而已…
老天爷…你可以任凭喜欢的玩弄我，作弄我…我并不介意…但是此时此刻，我只是有一个要求，一个那么卑微的愿望，我只是希望他能够安心的离开…希望他来生，能够过得好一些…请不要再折腾他了…求求祢…如果能让这愿望实现…我愿意付上任何的代价…所以… 求求祢…
这天，早上满怀心事的去考日文，都不知道自己到底在写什么，心已经不再这里了，总觉得有一些不安的感觉。匆匆考完，离开考场，希望第一时间回到宿舍，然后准备到机场。在等待巴士，从十点钟开始，等着等着…巴士始终都没来，心里越发焦急。这时，从手机里听到了一首歌，“One
more time, One more chance”，秒速5厘米的主题歌。听着，眼睛湿透了，因为感觉上自己就好像剧中男主角一样，被命运玩弄着，只能不断的被时间折磨着，孤独的忍受着等待的痛苦。终于，十一点时巴士来了，快步回到家，整理好行李，然后朋友骑着摩多载我到机场。非常谢谢他，一直以来都给他添了不少的麻烦呢…
在等待登机时，收到了一些简讯…非常谢谢这些朋友。我那班机应该是两点起飞，然后四点半抵达吉隆坡。但是，等到一点半，登机时间已经到了，却还没有登机通知。心又开始焦急起来了。只见外面下着倾盆大雨，心里更加慌乱了…担心着我的朋友到底到家了没，他骑摩多并没有带雨衣…担心着如果雨一直下，我是不是就得在那里一直等下去？能够做的，也只是不断的祈祷，不断地期盼着大雨停下来…是啊…剧中男主角也是被误点的火车折磨着…身心越发感受，只能不断期盼着一切能尽快恢复原样…因为我已经在崩溃边缘了…终于，上了飞机，起飞了。那是半小时以后的事情了。天气恶劣，飞机就不断的摇荡着，但是我什么都感觉不到，因为心，已经不在这里了…
五点钟，终于抵达机场。匆忙的赶到外面乘搭巴士，前往吉隆坡中环总站。心情越发复杂，虽然已经回到家乡，却没有闲暇的时间。塞车…老天爷尽是这样的作弄我…抵达时已经差不多七点了，比预定的六点钟迟了整整一个小时。打了一通电话给我的二姐，她告诉我她还没放工，然后…电话另一边…我听到了一个我最不愿听到的东西…二姐告诉我…他已经在下午时离开了我们…听到这样的消息，我顿时傻了…为什么…昨天才听他们说他的情况好多了，但是…突然之间…这叫我怎么接受…难道我千辛万苦的赶了回来，就是为了听这样的一个消息吗？不甘心啊…为什么？就只差那么一点点…那么一点点的时间…为什么最后我还是没有得到任何的眷顾与怜悯…到最后，我还是没法让他看见我，我也没办法看见他最后一面…如果知道有这样的结局，或许我会放弃考试，无论如何都会赶回去见见他…但是，一切都已经太晚了。
结果是大姐来接我，她老板载了她过来，在车上只听见姐姐的哭声。回到家，下了车，才发现到原来姐姐一直把他抱在怀里。难怪我在车上一直隐约的感觉到…姐姐抱着他，回到房间，哭着。我还能做什么？我只是强忍着泪水，不想让姐姐因为我而难过。过了一会儿，姐姐把他递了给我…
抱着他…看着他…心，就好像不断的被刺着，割着，剖着一样。消瘦了好多，肚子因为动手术而去掉的毛发都还没长回…根本没办法相信与接受，手中托着，还那么重，还有那仅存的余温…但是，眼睛不再张开，耳朵已经不再是粉红色…抱着他，情不自禁的开始抚摸着他的脸，他的耳朵，他的颈项…他是非常喜欢我们这样模他的…但是我并不知道他是否还能够感受得到…已经没有办法忍住泪水，回到自己的房间，才能够释怀的痛哭出来…告诉着他，我回来看他了，希望能够看见奇迹的发生…问他为什么不多等数小时…问他还记不记得我们的约定…还记不记得我…如今我能够做的，也许只是哭泣…仅此而已…
老天爷…你可以任凭喜欢的玩弄我，作弄我…我并不介意…但是此时此刻，我只是有一个要求，一个那么卑微的愿望，我只是希望他能够安心的离开…希望他来生，能够过得好一些…请不要再折腾他了…求求祢…如果能让这愿望实现…我愿意付上任何的代价…所以… 求求祢…
08-11-07
November 8th, 2007
伤心了一个晚上，今天我们带着他的遗体，送到火化场去。走了一段很长的距离，终于抵达了。一个偏僻的地方，是新村…火化场是在一个鱼塘旁边，四周都是青翠的树丛。能够在一个如此宁静的环境下走完最后一程，也许也算是一种福气…把他放进准备好的盒子里，再盖上一层鲜花。大家还是那么的舍不得，摸着他那已经僵硬的身体，流着眼泪。最后，还是得把盒子盖上，然后放进火化炉里。把门关上，炉火开始烧了起来。大家的心中，此时此刻，也许只有一阵阵的悲伤，然而大家还是给了他最后的祝福…婆婆吩咐我们必须那样告诉他的，但是我始终开不了口，唯有心中默默的祈祷着…如果我开口…我知道我一定会按耐不住而痛哭起来。
希望我的那些祷告都有传到他的身边，保佑着他，直到最后…谢谢他给了我的一切，对不起让他受了那么多的苦，希望他能够好好的上路，将来找一户好人家，好好投胎…希望他能够继续守护着我们，保佑着我们…当然我也会一直为他祈祷，给他祝福，虽然未来他会到了哪里我也不知道，但是…一定要过得比现在还要好…
骨灰要等到第二天才能拿到，到时候才看看怎样…现在全部都已经办妥了，应该星期天会飞回沙巴，留下来也只会继续伤心着…以后都不会再养宠物了…我只能够把我全部的爱奉献给他，不会再有别人了…也不想再受伤了…一次就已经足够了…
伤心了一个晚上，今天我们带着他的遗体，送到火化场去。走了一段很长的距离，终于抵达了。一个偏僻的地方，是新村…火化场是在一个鱼塘旁边，四周都是青翠的树丛。能够在一个如此宁静的环境下走完最后一程，也许也算是一种福气…把他放进准备好的盒子里，再盖上一层鲜花。大家还是那么的舍不得，摸着他那已经僵硬的身体，流着眼泪。最后，还是得把盒子盖上，然后放进火化炉里。把门关上，炉火开始烧了起来。大家的心中，此时此刻，也许只有一阵阵的悲伤，然而大家还是给了他最后的祝福…婆婆吩咐我们必须那样告诉他的，但是我始终开不了口，唯有心中默默的祈祷着…如果我开口…我知道我一定会按耐不住而痛哭起来。
希望我的那些祷告都有传到他的身边，保佑着他，直到最后…谢谢他给了我的一切，对不起让他受了那么多的苦，希望他能够好好的上路，将来找一户好人家，好好投胎…希望他能够继续守护着我们，保佑着我们…当然我也会一直为他祈祷，给他祝福，虽然未来他会到了哪里我也不知道，但是…一定要过得比现在还要好…
骨灰要等到第二天才能拿到，到时候才看看怎样…现在全部都已经办妥了，应该星期天会飞回沙巴，留下来也只会继续伤心着…以后都不会再养宠物了…我只能够把我全部的爱奉献给他，不会再有别人了…也不想再受伤了…一次就已经足够了…
献给我最爱的他
November 9th, 2007
少了一片的拼图，已经不再完整
已经不再是拼图了
少了一员的家，是否也已经不再完整
是否也已经不再是个家了呢？
老实说，一直以来
他，是我唯一想回家的原因
他，是我唯一的说话对象
他，是我唯一的…
没有了他，我又回到了安静的生活
嘴里的话语消减了不少
没有了他，我又得一个人单独生活
我到底还会不会有回家的念头？
少了一个我能照顾的对象
少了一个能让我付出真爱的对象
少了一个会接受我的付出的对象
少了一个…心灵安慰…
我，还能够坚强的走下去吗？
我，还能够找到我的避风港吗？
我，还能够找到愿意接受我的爱的对象吗？
我，还能够找谁来寄托我的一切？
这样说也许会土了一点，但是确实是有这种感觉
看透了许多人世，经过了许许多多
感慨着这样的生命轮回
我到底还能够撑到什么时候？
也许这一切只是上天赋予我的磨炼
也许身边每一个人都在经历着我所经历过的
但是到最后，有多少人能够坚强的站回起来
又有多少人能够坚强的走到最后？
不知道还要哭上多少个晚上才能平复心情
不知道要叹息到什么时候才能学会微笑
不知道还会受多少苦痛才会坚强面对
不知道现在的我还是不是从前的我
我相信我是能够站得起来的
但是，我害怕我会失去那已经所剩无几的勇气
希望沉淀完了心绪，就能够恢复平静
希望…能够得到上天的眷顾…一次也好…
献给我最爱的他
虽然我们已经分隔两个不同的世界
但是我相信我们的这分感情是永远不会变质的
祝福着你，直到永远…
少了一片的拼图，已经不再完整
已经不再是拼图了
少了一员的家，是否也已经不再完整
是否也已经不再是个家了呢？
老实说，一直以来
他，是我唯一想回家的原因
他，是我唯一的说话对象
他，是我唯一的…
没有了他，我又回到了安静的生活
嘴里的话语消减了不少
没有了他，我又得一个人单独生活
我到底还会不会有回家的念头？
少了一个我能照顾的对象
少了一个能让我付出真爱的对象
少了一个会接受我的付出的对象
少了一个…心灵安慰…
我，还能够坚强的走下去吗？
我，还能够找到我的避风港吗？
我，还能够找到愿意接受我的爱的对象吗？
我，还能够找谁来寄托我的一切？
这样说也许会土了一点，但是确实是有这种感觉
看透了许多人世，经过了许许多多
感慨着这样的生命轮回
我到底还能够撑到什么时候？
也许这一切只是上天赋予我的磨炼
也许身边每一个人都在经历着我所经历过的
但是到最后，有多少人能够坚强的站回起来
又有多少人能够坚强的走到最后？
不知道还要哭上多少个晚上才能平复心情
不知道要叹息到什么时候才能学会微笑
不知道还会受多少苦痛才会坚强面对
不知道现在的我还是不是从前的我
我相信我是能够站得起来的
但是，我害怕我会失去那已经所剩无几的勇气
希望沉淀完了心绪，就能够恢复平静
希望…能够得到上天的眷顾…一次也好…
献给我最爱的他
虽然我们已经分隔两个不同的世界
但是我相信我们的这分感情是永远不会变质的
祝福着你，直到永远…
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